Archive for August, 2006

Birthday Surprise

Wednesday, August 30th, 2006
Yesterday, I had a lunch promise with a friend of mine and I was wondering how many other people were attending because I know that Fido Dido and RaiRai’d be there. Then I thought to myself, "Hey… We’re going to Sushi Tei. Four people is a good number." That was including my sister.
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Then they had changed plans because it’s a known fact that ALL sushi restaurants in Brunei closes at 2 PM. (I had the notion that ALL sushi restaurants had their own huge aquarium somewhere in the kitchen where the fish can just breed and ‘TA-DA~’! New fish!) So instead of going to Sushi Tei, the whole thing was transfered to the Indian restaurant called, ‘Le Taj’.
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When I got there (It’s a good thing I was with my sister ‘coz I can’t see with my short-sightedness) my sister went into one of the tables that was IN a room. I was gonna go up the stairs and greet a bunch of strangers! That would’ve been so embarassing…
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I followed my sister and found out that it weren’t just Fido and RaiRai but Ka Qil and her guy, Abg KS (I dunno how to spell it) and Christina! It was such a surprise that they were there because I thought they were still in UK or somewhere outside of Brunei. Then I heard that Ka Zul (who wasn’t present) was a teacher in STPRI! WTH? I didn’t know a thing? And then she said she was pregnant! Just kidding. They said she was engaged!
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Then stories came flooding into my ears. There were words flying from the left of me and then in front of me and then to the far right. It was kind of hectic and only snippets were heard so sometimes we were confsed as to whom we were replying to, telling a story to or what the heck we were talking about.
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We finished our lunch (or brunch for me) and I was stuffed to the max because I ate my plates clean~ Which was a lot… ‘Coz I saw that they still had their foods half eaten. I guess I’m a glutton~! Hahaha! Then RaiRai told me were gonna eat dessert. She was worried I wouldn’t be able to eat dessert if I ate my pills. I ate my pills anyway! Hahaha!!!
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I thought we were done because all we did was sit down, do nothing except small chat and I was thinking, "When’re they going to ask for the bill?" Because I was going to meet my other friends after them and I had to change into my sports clothes. Suddenly, in mid conversation, my sister suddenly clapped her hands and sang happy birthday. Then the others too. I was REALLY confused. In my head I was thinking, "Is it somone’s birthday?"
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Then I was thinking, "Oh, maybe it’s Abg KS’s birthday!" When I looked at him he was clapping his hands and singing as well. I was like, "What the heck is happening?" Then I saw the cake the waitresses were bringing into the room. Then she stopped BESIDE me and I was like, "Oh Shyt No…." (happily, of course). I couldn’t close my mouth! I was SO shocked. And they continued to sing and clap and I was really Daymn surprised. I didn’t expect it to happen. It was a day early of course but that wasn’t what surprised me. What surprised me was the fact that I didn’t realize it, the fact that they did this and the fact that they bought a HUGE ass cake from ‘Le Apple’ (Which, in my opinion, is a case of bad French spelling).
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After we ate the cake I received gifts. One from Ka Qil, which was a character from the anime ‘Bleach’ (Thankee!!!!), from Christina which was a Tiramisu and Eclair (thanks!) and one from RaiRai! Ok… The RaiRai one was really unexpected. The truth is… I thought it was for someone else because it was a character from the hit anime movie by Studio Ghibli ‘My Neighbor Totoro’. And I was like, "Oh My GOD! It’s Totoro! Can I see it please?!" Then she said, "Happy Birthday."
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To…. To— To—TO-TOT-TOTOTOOTOTOTTOTOTOROOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

It was for freekin’ me!!!! And she said that she bought it for me because when she saw it she thought of me! I thought it was akind of a compliment but my sister was thinking the negative. I don’t care! I love all my presents!
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But that wasn’t the end of it. The midnight messages tradition started at 11.23PM and it went on and on until the morning. I have yet to sleep properly and there are bags under my eyes. I was only able to message back to a few people and I had to delete my messages box twice to receive the other messages. Some of the numbers I DON’T even recognize… But I was so happy (although a lil’ tired and coming down with some serious splitting headaches).
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Thank you ALL especially Rafiqi (Fido Dido), RaiRai, Ka Qil, Christina, Abg KS and Ka Qyah (without Ka Qyah I wouldn’t have been able to get there~ Personal chauffeur~! Hahha!!!) Thank you so much!
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And Ka Qyah said that my face was so ugly when I was surprised. I wonder if she caught it on camera…?

Psychotic Pleasure’s Pain

Thursday, August 24th, 2006
If ever there was a time for me to repent it would be now. I’ve been thinking sick thoughts in my mind and relaying it over and over again. People would say when they read this, " People think about sex in some part of their life maybe even every day." But I wasn’t talking about freekin’ sex. I was talking about torturing someone or killing someone in a torturous way. This psycho mind of mine had been replaying tragic death scenes over and over again and I was hoping it would stop but it didn’t. Now it’s mixed with my YYC side effect as well, which is also draining my mental enegry as much as the torturing replays.
All this thinking and dreaming about torture has led me to think I NEED to torture someone, which isn’t true. I need to release this negative energy somehow but I don’t know HOW. I know I could draw it out and express myself on paper but I did that and it didn’t work as well as I thought it should because it wasn’t SADISTIC enough for my taste. Maybe I should just look up ‘gore’ in the Internet and copy some pictures to satisfy my mind.
I’m an emotional wreck right now. Through chatting and replying comments I’m all cheerful but once I’m off the Internet or not doing anything productive my mind falls into the depressing cloud of gore. If I could I’d love to meet up with a psychiatrist and maybe tell him/her what I was seeing in full detail. I could type it down here actually but that wouldn’t be right. A person might happen to read the entry and find it disgusting or too graphic and then might not be able to go to sleep. Or even worse…. A person who’d want to get tortured to death would send me a message and ask me to kill him/her in a slow torturous death. And I’d be glad to do it but I know I’d kill myself before I’d touch him/her.
Wow… I need to grab some chill pills. I’m teaching someone to use the computer today. That means I have to try and let out this frustrating ball of negative feelings soon or let the person face the cosequences, which I do not want to do since she’s a nice person… Or so I think. She doesn’t look like a person I’d hang out with because I know we wouldn’t have much in common or I’d lose interest in her conversations and she’d lose interest in mine. She’d be talking about travel or something like that (or business after spending enough time with my second eldest sister) and I’d be talking about anime and farming. I’m interested in farming so shut up.
But as the day becomes brighter my thoughts go back to the torturing again. I don’t understand. The need to inflict pain to a breathing living organism is growing and a house gecko isn’t enough. To satisfy this psychotic need would (calculating………) take over fifteen hundred of them and that’s excluding their will to live. If they were tortued and lived longer than expected the pleasue heightens but if it dies before i do anything drastic then that makes me moodier and the calculating will continue to add. Ah, freek it. I need to do something and if one house gecko would satisfy me a little then I might as well start hacking off their limbs and save the eye poking and tongue cutting for last.

Thunder and Lightning

Saturday, August 19th, 2006

I dislike THUNDER and LIGHTNING. It scares me shytless and I need to get over it soon. I started smoking again last night after the THUNDER stopped and I thought I was going to just smoke one but I did the WHOLE box. How freekin’ scared was I? When I’m alone I get so scared I cry. But when there are other people around I feel safer so I hold it in and feel more relaxed. But shyt…. It was the first time I opened up to anyone about this phobia. During a phonecall with my (now bestest) best friend her place blacked-out and since her phone was a cordless the line died. I tried to call her again but out of CRYING FRUSTRATION I couldn’t reach her. Then she called me on her OTHER phone and I cried to her and now, WE ARE THE BEST OF THE BEST OF THE BESTEST friends. It was usually me who calms her down and listens to her. Last night, she became the listener. It was the first time she listened. The first time I talked and cried other than her. And I felt so relieved that I can count on someone.

No Mocha but PIZZA

Saturday, August 19th, 2006
Coffee Bean has NO MOCHA? WHAT?
Yes, my heart was dead then. How the hell does a cafe end up with no stock of mocha? Well, what the hell. I just got myself Vanilla~!
I ate pizza at The Mall at Pizza Hut and we (me and the person I was eating out with) met with the waiter that we SO love to check out. And then we realized the waiters wore the same shiny black shoes!! O_o
And THEN we thought that we only SO liked to check out one waiter BUT it turned out to be TWO waiters that we like to check out… Man, do I feel warm or what?
The other guy was SOOOOOOOO adorable. The cashier was broken and then I had to pay a dollar extra and guess what he said?
"Halal ni ah, halal ni ah?"
And the way he smiled and looked at us was SOOOOOOOO, as above, adorable. Unbelievable. I just had to smile back. The next time I wanna eat pizza, I’m gonna eat there!!! Definite!
One’s Philippino and the other’s Malay~~~ (I guess one for each of us ^____^ haha)

Gadong

Friday, August 4th, 2006
Today, I’m gonna go to Gadong, meet with my best friend and go wait at CB for my cuzz who would be picking me up at around three. We’re goin’ off to get an appointment to get a ful medical check-up to ‘buang boring’ ja.
And then we’re coming back to Gadong to catch up. We haven’t spoken to each other for OH-SO-LONG (over two weeks). So this is a good time to catch up… ^_^